Over tea at the beginning of the day, we talk. In puppet shows at the close of the day, we reflect.
We are creating opportunities to develop a practice called the "Helping Circle" -- where people help people face challenges. With the new year, we've opened up the theme that we can help one another grow, face challenges and solve problems.
Our first Helping Circle of the new year:
At tea-time, our youngest boy was crying for his mother. He cries hard, but is open to suggestions and new possibilities. He provided the beautiful opportunity for the Helping Circle. I asked the children to notice his crying and asked them to read his feelings, and figure out what was on his mind. Had they ever felt these feelings? Yes, they said in solidarity. I even checked in with the adults in the circle -- they said they even cry sometimes when they think of their mommies. We brainstormed with empathy. The children offered their ideas to the crying boy about things he could do to feel better. He could think about her, offered a very articulate older boy in the group, who has a younger brother with whom he practices his communication well. He could sing about her, I misinterpreted, thereby expanding the possible solutions. When the crying boy became engaged, he became calm. I pointed out how his feelings seem to have changed and asked him what helped. "My friend helped," he acknowledged. No one could write a more perfect script then these children had just enacted, in order to portray how "people help people."
Later, during puppet show, a girl's's baby doll played the starring role. She talked to the horse puppet, sharing her challenge of "growing up."
I must admit, before continuing, how incredible it is to animate a doll. I did my college Early Childhood dissertation on Cabbage Patch Dolls, which were all the rage in the mid-80's -- and the most fascinating part of it was interviews with parents and children which exposed how they could have deep talks through the dolls that they could often not have face to face. There is a freedom for the children in "talking to the doll" even though the adult is making no ventriloquist-attempt to hide their voice in animating the doll.
Back to the puppet show.... The doll told the horse she would need to "get help" from other growing children to understand what things need to change in order for her to be "a big girl." Each person had ideas to share, children and adults alike -- because indeed we have all faced (and are facing) this challenge.
Let me acknowledge here the beautiful and intense friend of growing up: the expression "NOOOOOOOO!"
Yes, Resistance. Thanks goes to the child who shared the doll for reminding me, and any other adult that gets too excited about the children's expertise and enthusiasm around the growing up agenda, about the need to honor and hold space for Resistance at every step of the growing up path. "Resistance is the threshold of learning," my twin sister (who is a psychology professor) reassures me constantly. This is a great mantra for educators and parents, and must be remembered at the most inopportune times. The most frustrating times can gain great breath and patience as you cultivate a genuine LOVE FOR THE RESISTANCE YOUR CHILD MAY EXPRESS. Resistance, in my view, is a request for taking the time to fully grasp a new idea, before agreeing.... in fact, taking time to create the external idea within, as one's very own.
---- Well, the child who had leant her doll to the puppet show outright protested the imaginative expression of her doll in the puppet show -- and with FACT as her ally, she insisted, "Baby doll will not grow up!" Metaphorically and emotionally, she may be standing up for her own need to be reassured in the process, and to not be rushed. In reality, of course, Phoebe is correct about the fact that her doll is not alive, and therefore will always stay the same. I acknowledged this difference between her and her doll. Her doll acknowledged it too.
