Examining our TERMS

"SHARING"
Let's examine the notion of sharing.
I invite you to explore this with me. Children are often asked to PERFORM polite sharing practices. We adults teach this through offering "how to's" and there is plenty of playground performance pressure at work to compel this, I'm certain.

Taking an object away from a child before the child is ready to release it is a little bit like pulling unripe fruit off a vine -- there is resistance, and a live-wire of wanting is left unsoothed. My foray into Steiner's vision of early childhood suggests that an object held is, albeit temporarily, a part of the child's body. Prematurely giving objects up to perform sharing can inadvertently work against our most hopeful intentions and cultivate a scarcity-driven and covetous anxiety in our children, I'm afraid.

Instead, I propose we consider new approaches, in these high tension moments of early childhood. Ideas? How can we cultivate a deep strong sense of security within? Can we reassure the young children that play among us that they will be given the space and time of play "to ripen that fruit/object and release it naturally? Can we allow children at this age to complete their relationship with an object before they are asked to release it for others? Perhaps actions and impulses of sharing then can grow from authentic roots: inner courage, a flexibility of mind and the caring desire to connect with others.

Facilitating this "completion with objects" takes courageous restraint from adults as well, and a new kind of narration of the moment at hand. A few deep breaths to repattern our "polite" impulses is probably crucial. "Taking turns" may be a reassuring set of words to use to guide sharing, since it is practical and not abstract. I am guided by the voice of a mentor in my head -- and offer it (paraphrased) to you as a tool. I can hear Suchi Swift (who preceded me in leading this group) in her songlike voice narrating, "James is holding the cup. When he is finished, he may put it down for another friend to hold. Jill, you are interested in that cup too. You may hold this cup instead for now." Her words did not feed the fire between the children, but cooled it kindly, showing options while facilitating wholeness for both children.